Reality- Speak up, Grow, and Heal

I am in High School. I did not read this book because it was required of me as an assignment- I read it because I saw part of the movie. Kristen Stewart is a favorite actress of mine (And no, not because she is playing Bella in Twilight. I am not a huge fan of Twilight. No offense.) and I was curious after watching part of the movie on YouTube. I am a fast reader, and read it in less than a day. And then I read it again. And again. It's been a year since then, and I can't count the number of times I have read that book now- I could recite passages of it aloud. I love it, I do. Now, beware of spoilers ahead, in order to review properly, I have to let out some spoilers.

"I am outcast."

That is what Melinda Sordino says to herself on her first day of High School. People whisper, point at her, laugh. Her former best friend Rachel hates her. A mean teacher gives her a hard time. Doesn't sound all that different from a normal day at high school- especially your first. I know from experience. So, what is so special about this book? Simple: it speaks the truth.

And boy, does it hurt.

There are cruel HS students. Anyone that says the HS years will be the best of your life needs to go through it one more time. Not only is Melinda ostracized by her friends, but by her peers too, even those that don't know her. One example of this is Spanish Class: 'Linda' means 'pretty' in Spanish, and the whole class calls her "Me no Linda" for the rest of the period.

And then, there are the little things. She bites her lips so much that they become scabbed and bleed all the time. She speaks less and less. She can't look into mirrors. She can't bear to stay in school. And even though she tries to block it out, tries to hide and run away, IT finds her.

And IT whispers: "Freshmeat."

Melinda wakes up with her jaws clenched tight, or she finds herself hardly able to sleep at all. She doesn't talk to her parents, who always argue anyway. It isn't clear exactly what happened to her, but close to the end you finally get a clear picture.

Fourteen-year-old Melinda Sordino is raped at a party during the summer.

I was that age when I first read this book.

People say that the subject is overused. People say that it is too much to read in school- for our children's fragile ears. People say that they don't understand why Melinda is so upset. That is too depressed- even whiny. But as with most things, these people do not understand.

Have you ever lived inside the head of a fourteen-year-old girl that cannot speak up for herself? That has crappy parents and crappier friends? Have you ever been violated in such a way? Have you ever thought that you were messed up, dirty, insane? Worthless?

Welcome to Melinda's world.

This author manages to take something classified as overused and show that it is still very much real, and very painful. Everything creeps up on you, and the way it is written makes it more realistic: run-on sentences that English teacher would murder about exist inside a person's mind. It's written sometimes like she is in a play or a movie- like she is watching her own life before her eyes. Unable to change anything about it. Unable to speak.

But speak she does.

From the start, you can tell that something is wrong. It's not a long book, and it soon becomes clear that Melinda called the cops on a party, and that everyone hates her. Most of her teachers are inadequate, one even racist. She does have one great teacher though- an Art teacher, Mr. Freeman. He tells her that he thinks she has a lot to say, and that he'd like to hear it. He gives the class an assignment- pick out a word from a hole and use the year to find a way to turn that word into art- to make it "speak" somehow. Melinda picks "Tree". She is frustrated at first, but slowly grows, and sees the tree, making a wall of art and getting an A.

Rape is a tough subject, but it's real. I have friends that were raped. But they're here, very real. Shushing it up doesn't change what happened to them. They live. And they speak.

Melinda uses her own sarcastic wit, and deep view of all around her to slowly grow in this short novel. This book makes you laugh, cry, and get angry. Maybe even challenge your views on life. You find yourself getting into her skull- like you are her, and it was you going through all this, with that memory in your head- and really understanding. She feels like a stranger to herself. She has no one, because no one is listening, and at the same time she is not speaking loud enough to be heard.

"I rock back and forth, teeth digging into the flesh of my arm as I cry like the big baby I am. A half-forgotten holiday has unloaded every knife, every cut. No Rachel, no Heather, not even some silly, geeky boy who would like the inside girl I think I am." I'm paraphrasing here, but this event takes place on Valentines day, when Melinda thinks that she gets a card from a boy, when it turns out to be a card from a friend that dumped her, merely saying: "Thanks for understanding, you're the sweetest."

The one downside is that the bad guy does not get what he deserves. Melinda successfully fights him off when he tries to violate her again, but IT (AKA "Andy Evans") is defeated, and the whole school figures out what happened.

SPEAK speaks not only to the teenage girls or rape victims out there, but also to adults and teens alike. It teaches you, and helps you grow and understand.

Very simply, SPEAK, speaks to your heart. 

The first time, I didn't like the ending, just a "Let me tell you about it", and then it's over. After reading it as many times as I have, I truly think that the ending should not have been written any other way. It's not perfect, but that's what makes it good.