A Dogmatic Tale

I’ve been Christian for something approaching four years now. I’m serious about my faith, and I certainly don’t take it lightly. That doesn’t mean, however, that I don’t know how to laugh at myself.

”Imagine a world where Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are angels, Alanis Morissette is God, Chris Rock is naked, and the very fabric of space and time is in the hands of these two (Cut to Jay & Silent Bob). The hilarious world that is… Dogma. Tonight, TV2”

That was the commercial by which I first heard about this film. I thought this was something I had to see to believe.

The plot is very farfetched. Bartleby & Loki (Affleck & Damon respectively) are angels who were banished from heaven and sent to live in Wisconsin. Now, they’ve found a loophole that would enable them to re-enter heaven. Unbeknownst to them though, doing so would go against God’s decree. Since God is infallible, going against His decree would undo everything He’s ever done. Up would become down, left would become right, existence would become, non.

Thus, Metatron (Alan Rickman), gives struggling catholic Bethany (Linda Fiorentino) a “holy crusade” to stop the angels. Aided by “prophets” Jay & Silent Bob, she sets off, along the way meeting up with Rufus (Chris Rock), the 13th Apostle omitted from the Bible because he’s black and former muse Serendipity (Selma Hayek). However, someone or something seems determined to stop them. Could Demon Azrael (Jason Lee) be behind it? And how does the John Doe Jersey (Bud Cort) case fit into it?

Then there’s the sub-plot. Before Loki & Bartleby re-enter Heaven, they want to get back on God’s good side be smiting the evil.

To fully understand the plot and enjoy the film, one must suspend disbelief – there’s no way around that. I don’t believe a plot like this is going to happen in today’s world, but that doesn’t stop it from being hilarious. I’ve seen this a good 20 odd times and I still laugh out loud at the majority of it.

A very drunken performance by Alan Rickman provides a lot of the laughs at the start.

Bethany: What are you?
Metatron: I'm pissed off is what I am
Not only is his performance drunkenly funny, but there’s also a sensible, calm, rational side that comes out when it’s really needed.

Bethany: I don't want this, it's too big.
Metatron: That's what Jesus said. Yes, I had to tell him. And you can imagine how that hurt the Father - not to be able to tell the Son Himself because one word from His lips would destroy the boy's frail human form? So I was forced to deliver the news to a scared child who wanted nothing more than to play with other children. I had to tell this little boy that He was God's only Son, and that it meant a life of persecution and eventual crucifixion at the hands of the very people He came to enlighten and redeem. He begged me to take it back, as if I could. He begged me to make it all not true. And I'll let you in on something, Bethany, this is something I've never told anyone before... If I had the power, I would have.

Rickman may be the stand out performance, but he doesn’t get as much screen time as I’d like to see. After summoning Bethany with her crusade, he disappears until the above quote – a good halfway into the film, then comes back at the end. His appearances are always minimal, but worthwhile.

Of course, if you thought Metatron made an entrance with the fire, wait til Rufus (Chris Rock) shows up.

Jay: Guys like us just don't fall out of the sky, you know.
[Rufus falls out of the sky]
Jay: Beautiful, naked, big-titted women just don't fall out of the sky, you know.

The performance doesn’t seem a lot different from any other I’ve seen by Rock, but then I’m always getting Chris Rock and Chris Tucker confused. Tucker was the one in Rush Hour, wasn’t he?

Anyway, that hardly matters because Rock gives a thoroughly enjoyable performance.

Rufus, as mentioned above, is the 13th Apostle, omitted from the Bible because he’s black, so he’s come down to Earth to help Bethany, earning himself some brownie points and hoping to get a few changes made to the Bible. It’s not his omittence that mainly worries him though – it’s the fact (so he says) that Jesus is constanty portrayed as white when he’s actually black.

Rufus: White folks only want to hear the good shit: life eternal, a place in God's Heaven. But as soon as they hear they're getting this good shit from a black Jesus, they freak. And that, my friends, is called hypocrisy. A black man can steal your stereo, but he can't be your Savior.

Rufus is loudmouthed and opinionated - Rock knows this is the perfect role for him and obviously loves it.

Our heroin is Bethany, who is similar to Wes Craven’s horror heroes Sidney (Scream Trilogy) and Nancy (A Nightmare On Elm St) in that not only is she the “female warrior”, but she’s also very independent.

Her husband left her because of a disease which means she can’t have children, and due to this she’s a little bitter towards God.

Being the heroin, Bethany is given a lot to do and for the most part (Fiorentino) does a good job – going into her necessary moods as soon as is needed, but there are a couple of times where she mumbles and I can’t understand her.

Former Muse Serendipity (Selma Hayek) left heaven because she was sick of giving out inspiration and not getting any of the credit… now she works as a stripper, until she gets involved trying to stop Bartleby and Loki.
Not a bad performance from Hayek, a little on the “overdone” side but overall fairly good.

Bartleby (Ben Affleck) & Loki (Matt Damon) aren’t evil from the start – they just want to get back into Heaven. I don’t believe Loki really has a turning point, but Bartleby definitely does. For the most part they’re not exactly the villains, just the anti-heroes who are bent on destroying Earth, even though they don’t know it.

It’s certainly not the first time Affleck and Damon have acted together and I would recommend they do it more often, as they seem to do a lot better here than when they don’t (see Daredevil as an example).

So who’s really behind all this? Who tipped the angels off and wants to see Earth destroyed? It’s another former muse, Azrael (Jason Lee). Now he’s a demon with no intention of going back to hell.

Lee’s performance here is a lot better than that of A Guy Thing, which was in all honesty rather bad. Playing the good-natured guy who mistakenly cheats on his fiancée didn’t really suit Lee, but it looks like playing the demon bent on world obliteration does.

The idea of having Jay & Silent Bob as prophets is rather worrying, but for the majority of the film they’re not at all prophetic, they just hang round with Jay trying to convince Bethany to have sex with him. It’s a long-running joke and not at all funny. Let’s face it, Jay’s simply not funny at all. Like Stifler, I just wanted to slap him. Sometimes, he can be funny (Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back), but not here.

Silent Bob, on the other hand, is a bit of a classic character IMO. This was the first movie I saw him in and I was wondering whether he just didn’t talk or perhaps he couldn’t. Oh, he can all right, but it’s the places throughout the movie he does it that will make you laugh. I’m not going to bother commenting on the acting of these two, because they’re the same in everything. If you’ve seen them in one film you’ve seen them all.

Some people may find Dogma offensive, and it wouldn’t surprise me if most of these people are Catholics. Dogma takes religion, specifically Catholicism, and presents it in a humourous way. However, presenting something in such a way does not necessarily mean taking the piss out of it. It’s lighthearted fun that is only really offensive if it’s taken too seriously. With such a premise, you have to suspend disbelief and be in a good mood to watch this, otherwise you’re possibly going to be grossly offended and miss all the jokes. Also, Jay uses the word ‘f*ck’ A LOT. It’s in pretty much every line from him, and that gets annoying so beware of that.

Otherwise, this is one of the funniest films I’ve ever seen. However, the recommendation only comes if you can have a bit of a laugh at yourself and others. If not, I’d suggest you stay away.