It’s a dismal thing
It’s a dismal thing for any real man to be seen driving about in a Volkswagen Bug, a Mazda Miata or a P.T. Cruiser. These cars might not be specifically made for women. But, there is little doubt that women make up the market for them. That’s fine by me. Men shouldn’t drive cars that can be easily described as cute. If they do, there better be a masterpiece of horsepower belching engineering under the hood. I’d concede that a 350 horsepower Miata or Bug wouldn’t be too terrible to drive (as long as it was propelled by the rear tires rather than the front).
My wife on the other hand loves to motor about in her little red Cruiser. She comments on a passing P.T. with a garish, yellow flaming paint accent crawling over its purple hood, “Nice!” Or again at one with spinners and neon, ground effect lights, “Did you see that?!” I’m personally appalled by such atrocities—people dressing up a Dodge Neon wearing a business suit.
My shame
All this said, we took a nice mountain drive along Colorado’s peak to peak highway on Saturday. It was the perfect chance to view the changing leaves of the native Aspen, bursting into their full fall color. Bright yellow foliage bordered by verdant green pines and accented with brilliant bursts of the most incredible orange is ample excuse to take to the mountains.
My car (of which I will not speak) was in the shop (that’s why I won’t speak of it). Hence we took the Cruiser. While it is a miserable thing to be seen at the wheel of one, I am most disturbed to say that I relented to her request that I drive. Admittedly it wasn’t the first time that I had done so. In fact on a previous excursion in her car, I borrowed my wife’s sunglasses having forgotten my own. I looked over at an old farmer in his fifties pickup who was shaking his head at the sight of me wearing her oversized, red framed shades. Forgetting that I had them on my face rather than my uber-cool Ray Bans, I chalked up his bemused expression to the car.
Despite my qualms about farmers thinking that I needed a good lecture about the virtues of an oversized or over-powered automobile, I ended up at the controls Saturday. I am truly ashamed not so much that I drove the vehicle, but that I enjoyed it.
Gasp! You enjoyed it?
One thing that I must mention about the P.T. Cruiser is that almost every review that I’ve ever read complains about the lack of power in the engine. I can only point to the fact that this is a car generally purchased by women and as such, likely purchased in the automatic transmission variety. I’m not a fan of the automatic. It simply isn’t manly.
Having experienced the ill effects of my wife’s car bargaining prowess for the last three years—let’s just say they saw her coming a long way off—I accompanied her on the buying trip for the P.T. Having heard the rumors of the lack of power, I steered her toward the manual transmission. Automatics, of course, transfer a lower percentage of the engine’s ponies to the wheels. They also cost more, and in my experience, require more maintenance. These factors combined to help her decide on a 5-speed manual with my council.
I was taken aback to find that not only does the P.T. issue a pleasantly resonant rumble from its 150 horse-power 4 cylinder engine, but with the 5-speed transmission, the pull is quite respectable. It gives me no pleasure to report that this supposedly under-powered car pulled through the mountains, topping two passes above 10,000 feet without a single complaint. I was stunned at being able to maintain a speed high enough above the 45 MPH speed limit that I won’t tell you about it since I don’t want a speeding ticket in the mail.
Further adding to the perverse joy of driving the likely car of choice for the Power Puff girls was the disturbingly impressive combination of ride and handling. The P.T. rolls along as quietly and smoothly as a Cadillac. Only when accelerating through the gears or slogging through potholes does the ride deteriorate. On the typical road, noise is non-existent and bumps are erased.
Of course, ride without handling doesn’t mean a thing. The profile of the P.T. seems pretty high at first glance. Speculation would be that body roll of such a vehicle would be high and handling sloppy. I’m horrified to say that the P.T. Cruiser feels more stable through a turn than my WRX ever did. We followed an Audi A6 down the turns of the mountain. Though he clearly wanted to leave the revolting vehicle in his rear-view behind, he couldn’t put any distance between us. I was braking later than he and staying with him through the turns.
It is with the deepest sadness that I must confess the P.T. Cruiser is a great car to drive. It has ample power, a great ride, quiet cockpit and great handling.
What about the looks?
I’m not going to harp about styling. I don’t like it because it’s too dang cute. I don’t drive cute. I drive cars that scare the crap out of girls for raw, untamed speed and horsepower. There isn’t any room for cute! If you want a cute car you decide what you like.
I will say that despite my own view, the car is well styled and practical. Let’s face it, sorrowfully, the P.T. Cruiser is a good looking car. If it was twice the size and came with a 490 cubic inch 700 horsepower V-8 engine that got 11 miles to the gallon, I would be whining about how I couldn’t afford one instead of how dang cute it is. The same could not be said of the Bug which would just be a freakishly large cute car with an irresponsible amount of horsepower.
The concealed rubber button that opens the rear hatch on the P.T. is most annoying. It’s one of these things that when you first open the hatch makes you audibly say, “wow!” With no moving latch, one wonders how the hatch knows you want it to open. Later it makes one wonder if the car is locked or the hatch is broken. A remote release would be a nice feature.
The interior is something of a miniscule mini-van. With rear seats that tilt forward, tumble forward and come completely out, I am sorry to report that the P.T. is one of the most versatile vehicles of its size and price range. I am happy to tell you that there are a couple of negatives here as well though. The seats when tumbled forward have an annoying habit of falling back without warning. They do however seem more likely to do this when there are potato chips or a laptop computer stowed directly under them. If there are potato chips AND a laptop computer, forget about it. The seats are also pretty heavy. While I might juggle the pair for fun, petite ladies and men who are likely to purchase this vehicle will find them a bit ungainly. Don’t call me for help. I don’t want to be seen fraternizing with the owner of another P.T. Cruiser.
As for styling, I am quite humiliated to admit that I find the interior to be quite nice. The dashboard has color matched panels harkening back to the cars of the fifties. A faux aluminum center console features an analog clock completing the look. The instrument panel is nicely laid out with black and white dials that are easy to read. At night they are illuminated in blue, which is unspeakably pleasant to look at.
How many six packs of beer does it hold?
I haven’t computed this, but let me quickly point out that you would almost certainly be arrested in Utah for having that much beer. In other states a sobriety test would likely be issued, the arrest could go either way.
Other stuff
The seats are pretty comfortable, but I am pleased to say they aren’t as nice as those of either Jeep that we’ve owned or even the WRX. They are a bit narrow to contain a man, although I would guess they are nicely proportioned for a normal woman which makes me quite happy. Distressingly, leg room is adequate for my six foot frame.
Nonetheless, there is another bit of good news for men who don’t want to like the P.T. Cruiser. The mirror creates an annoyingly large blind spot on the low, rakish windshield. It would have been much easier to see from a mirror mounted on the ceiling or the dashboard.
Bottom Line
It is perhaps the lowest point of my miserable existence to admit this, but the P.T. Cruiser is a great car maybe the best in its price range, sigh. It sells at a bargain price, is a pleasure to drive, is comfortable quite and fairly fuel efficient. Yes, I’ve read this as another complaint. Buy a Prius if you’re that worried about it. There’s a manly car!
Frighteningly, we’ve gotten gas mileage in the low to mid-twenties. I wish that I could report that the consumption was higher, yielding only 3 miles to the gallon so I could dislike the Cruiser. Sadly, it isn’t true.
© 2006 Scott Noble – All rights reserved. Unauthorized use prohibited.
You might also enjoy my book on hockey,
Hockey for Weekend Warriors.
Click here to read the reviews.
A few of my other reviews that you might find helpful:
2003 Subaru WRX
1983 Porsche 944
2006 Dodge Stratus
CarsBelowInvoic e
